Do you hate the sound of your own voice? Is that awkward feeling holding you back from making content?
Or have you bravely powered through it and started creating anyway, only to feel your motivation being eaten away by a constant nagging in the back of your head. Thinking the way you speak is dragging down your engagement?
That one was definitely me.
Then a few months ago, working on my podcast, I sat down to spot check my latest episode before uploading it, to make sure the file had exported correctly.
The episode was about the week long live speaking workshop I had done a few weeks before. Another scrap of kindling on the pile of 2 years and thousands of dollars I’d spent to try to make the way I speak start to be a wind in my sails and not an anchor dragging me down. Well another step taken, keep at it and you get there someday.
I hit the space bar on my MacBook, starting the payback to check the first few seconds. 45 minutes later I realized I was still watching. I was enjoying it! For nearly an hour, I was so completely engrossed in it, I hadn’t even picked up my phone! It hit me:
"Holy hell! I’m actually ENJOYING listening to myself!"
That was about the most relieved and happy I felt all year. And the only thing that had changed from before, the change that caused this, had only taken a total of 2 hours: Fixing your Hesitation Words.
What Are Hesitation Words & Why Are They So Bad?
We all know the first think you must do to hold people’s attention when speaking, is to stop using filler words. The ‘umms’ and ‘ahhs’. Words that say nothing. But there’s lesser known type of filler words that actively destroy your impression of confidence.
These are Hesitation words. The ones I was using the most are “Like”, “Kind of” and “You know”.
Example: “Knowing your values is kind of important for excelling at your work.”
Worse than just wasting time & boring people like normal filler words, these actively communicate a message. One you don’t want:
“I’m probably wrong, so please don’t be mad at me when you find out”
Hesitation words make you sound unsure, full of doubt, and incompetent. If you’re not certain about what your saying, why would anyone else give up their precious time to listen?
Getting rid of these made such a night and day difference that I enjoy listening to my recordings, and now look forward to making them.
So if eliminating Hesitation Words does so much, why haven’t you heard about them already?
Secret To Hesitation Words
The trick is unlike filler words, Hesitation Words also have totally legit uses. So a teacher can’t just give every student the same list of words to fix. We have to find out which words you are abusing, turning them into Hesitation Words. Your hesitation words, no one else’s. This makes it harder to teach, but also means some powerful side benefits come with it.
Finding Your Targets
To find yours, we’re going to use a modified version of Vinh Giang’s
Record & Review process:
First record a 5 minute video of yourself speaking on a topic.
- Speak unscripted
- Pick a topic that takes you out of your comfort zone, stretches your muscles. An advanced topic you’re going to make a video about someday
This will generate a lot of uncertainty when you talk.
For example, I’d improv about how learning business storytelling teaches us to understand other people’s values. There’s a lot of reaching needed in that topic to connect those two big ideas on the fly.
Next play back your video, and every time you say a filler word ask:
"Did I say it just to buy more time to think, or did I say it to explain how unsure you are?"
If it’s because you are unsure,
those are your hesitation words. Your enemy #1 to destroy, standing between you and oratory greatness!
So how do we get rid of these anchors dragging you down?
How To Eliminate Them
We can free you from Hesitation Words in 2 hours of time. But it’s going to require a mindset shift.
Mindset shifts are emotional shifts, so for maximum speed, it’s best to split the 2 hours up into 20 minutes a day, to give your mindset time to do it’s own work in the background.
First, pick one Hesitation Word to work on
Not two
Not three
One.
Speaking is a giant juggling act, concentrating on many things at once. Running that circus live without a script uses every braincell we have. Trying to improve more than one thing at once is the best way to guarantee you get overwhelmed and don’t learn anything at all.
Flex Your First Rep of Speaking With Certainty
Next say a sentence out loud using your Hesitation Word.
Example: “Knowing your values is kind of important for excelling at your work.”
Now say it again eliminating the hesitation word. Say it out loud.
Example: “Knowing your values is important for excelling at your work.”
See how that feels? More certain right? This is your mindset shift.
Did it feel uncomfortable? All growth does.
Maybe you feel suddenly now you’re saying something is more certain than actually is.
“Am I exaggerating the truth?”
“Am I being dishonest??”
That’s the question I grappled with.
The secret here is what you’re saying conveys the truth, even if you don’t realize it yet.
The context of your situation speaks with you. You’re not giving precise battle instructions where lives hang in the balance if they’re not followed exactly. The people you’re speaking to understand that you’re rounding.
They expect it.
They actually appreciate you doing it
to respect their time, and mentally add the words your not saying through the power of context. The words “Absolutely” and “Always” exist. Everyone hears you not saying them.
You are communicating honestly.
Time to try it out in battle conditions
Record another 5 minute video of that same topic, being vigilant for that one word. Notice if you’re about to say it with real meaning or not. When it’s only to hedge & hesitate, be silent. Skip to the next word. Keep going. If you end up speaking slower for now, that’s ok.
Now review your recording. See if you managed to eliminate that word, or if you should keep focusing on that one tomorrow.
Once you eliminated the first word, pick your next target and repeat the process, until you are free from all your Hesitation Words.
Because its a mindset shift, improvement will come slowly at first, then all at once. So be patient. Once you get rid of your first word, you’re halfway there.
Start now
Record and review today, before you can back out. Start getting to the end of your 2 hours now. Then watch how much more engaging and enjoyable you sound. Use this new ability to spread your message. And remember, don’t use it for evil 😃
I would love to hear how this worked out for you. If you get stuck on anything send me an email at:
ethan@ethansmithcoaching.com
